How Often Do People Have Sex After 50?

Written by: Steven Schlosser
Published 02/26/2015
Updated: 07/30/2024

Do you have an active sex life? How does your sex life compare to others?

A survey asked more than 8,000 people age 50 and older about their relationships and bedroom activities. Many mature adults wonder how much sex is normal for couples. Experts set out to answer this common question. Now Chrisanna Northrup, Dr. Pepper Schwartz, and Dr. James Witte will share the results with us.

Continue reading to see answers to 14 survey questions. How does your relationship stack up? Think about what your answers would be before reviewing the results. If you’d like, you can also take Normal Bar’s interactive survey online.

1. Do you and your partner kiss and hug in public?

According to the results, 32% of men and 48% of women do not hug or kiss in public. However, public displays of affection (PDAs) can be good for your relationship. The survey showed that 68% of people who don’t do PDAs are only slightly happy or unhappy in their relationship. 73% of the happiest people engage in PDAs at least several times per month.

Tip: You don’t have to worry about holding back in public. Don’t be concerned about what other people might think. The sight of a happy couple generally makes other people smile. It shows that love and passion can last a lifetime.

2. Have you sacrificed part of yourself in order to keep your partner?

Almost 49% of people in a long-term relationship (21 years or more) said yes. Nearly 30% of people in a short-term relationship (1 year or less) said yes.

Tip: People in healthy relationships encourage and support each other. If you feel like you’ve lost part of yourself, take the time to talk to your partner about your concerns.

3. Do you read your partner’s private emails?

39% of participants have looked. We were surprised to learn that this practice appears to be common in happy and unhappy relationships.

Tip: Trust is a key part of any relationship. It’s important to respect your partner’s privacy.

4. How often do you and your partner hold hands?

Approximately 78% of couples hold hands sometimes. However, the survey showed that new couples are skewing the results. Half of couples in long-term relationships (10 years or more) say that they don’t hold hand anymore.

Tip: Physical contact can help you feel more connected to your partner. In fact, research has shown that holding hands can help reduce fighting and end arguments.

5. How often do you say, “I love you” to your partner?

90% of men regularly profess their love for their partners while only 58% of women use the expression regularly. The survey found that the happiest couples say, “I love you” at least once per week.

Tip: There’s no need to make a big deal out of it. A simple “I love you” every day can make a difference in your relationship. Try saying it at the end of the day before going to bed.

6. Do you ever think your partner has sex with you out of a sense of obligation?

Almost 13% of people in a short-term relationship (1 year or less) said yes. Nearly 50% of people in a long-term relationship (21 years or more) also said yes.

Tip: It’s important to initiate sex at the right time. You can always let your partner off the hook if the mood isn’t optimal. Don’t feel bad if your partner does you a favor every once in a while. The survey results show that many people feel obligated to have sex at times, but they are still very happy in their relationships.

7. Do you use sex toys with your partner?

60% of women and 40% of men have used adult toys during sex with their partners. Vibrators and other sex toys are very popular among couples.

Tip: Adult toys are mainstream and accessible now. It’s easy to find fun and interesting sex toys online or at local shops. Why not spice things up with your partner by suggesting an exciting new toy?

8. How often do you passionately kiss your partner?

Tip: Kissing can help you bond with your partner. Try to create a romantic situation at least once per week. Many couples set a regular date night. You’ll find that it’s fun and easy to start kissing regularly again.

9. What would you like to get from your partner that you don’t currently have?

Approximately 25% of men say that they would like to have more sex. 25% of women would like to improve their lifestyle. About 14% of men and 19% of women would like to get more affection from their partners. Approximately 40% of men and women say that their needs are currently being met.

Tip: Try giving more affection to get more affection. You can offer your partner a back massage. Also, try putting some effort into your appearance. Get dressed up occasionally to attract and please your partner.

10. How often do you have a date night?

32% of people say that they hardly ever or never have a date night. However, 88% of very happy couples plan regular date nights together.

Tip: Spend quality time with your partner by planning a date night at least twice per month. This activity can help you feel close to your partner.

11. Do you give your partner compliments?

47% of women and 55% of men regularly tell their partners that they are attractive.

Tip: Compliments and praise can lead to a happier relationship. When you appreciate your partner, you’re likely to receive more compliments and warm feelings.

12. Do you give your partner oral sex?

77% of women and 60% of men say that they give their partner oral sex.

Tip: Oral sex may not have a direct impact on happiness. The survey found that couples that don’t participate in oral sex are just as happy as couples that do. If you both enjoy it, you should continue giving oral sex to your partner. It’s important to be open about your sexual preferences.

13. How often do you have sex with your partner?

31% of couples engage in sexual activity several times per week. 28% of couples have sex more than once per month. 8% of couples only have sex once per month. Nearly 33% of survey participants rarely or never have sex. However, it was interesting to discover that 25% of very happy couples never have sex and it doesn’t impact their happiness.

Tip: If you’d like to reignite your sex life, a sex therapist can help you get started. Visit the American Association of Sex Educators to find a reputable professional near you.

14. If you could start over, would you choose the same partner?

72% of survey participants said that they would choose their partner again.

Tip: You can bond with your partner in different ways. Many people appreciate the comfort of family and financial security. If you wouldn’t choose your partner again, ask yourself why. Perhaps couples therapy could help? What could you change to make things better? By identifying the problem, you may be able to find a solution that will bring you closer to your partner.